Friday, January 31, 2014

Who am I?

     My name is Melody. I'm a trans woman who is very proud to be who I am. In my blog I will document my transition, my life experiences, thoughts, ramblings, and whatever comes to my mind. I've been told that I have a very unique outlook on life and my thoughts and experiences need to be shard with others to help lift them up when they are struggling. I also have very interesting and very positive and uplifting thoughts about how my religion and relationship with God effects my transition that I will be sharing too. This is an area where most people struggle, dealing with the religious side of everything that has to do with transition. I am in no way an expert, but what little knowledge I have needs to be shared so that it can help people.

     I've been on my journey for most of my life. Struggling with knowing, even from 2-4 years old, that I was "different". I never knew how to deal with it properly or how to help it. Always been very reserved and withdrawn from everything because I never knew where I fit in. After seeking help from a wonderful gender therapist in August 2013, my life was turned around. Coming to the realization that I'm not different, but normal, I'm able to continue my life as the person I should have always been. I've met so many wonderful people on my journey so far, and it's just beginning. 10 days away from 5 months on HRT and the feelings I have are incredible. I see little changes in my body that are very welcomed and that I'm very proud of. I just want to be able to share all of this so I can help whoever is struggling. I have planned video blogs also on many different subjects.

     Thank you for reading and I hope, through this blog, I'm able to reach the world with a message of love and kindness. :)

The story of a girl on a journey.

     It has come to my attention that there has been a word getting tossed around, rather casually, that has to do with our whole journey and outlook upon which. I didn't give the word much thought when I first heard it, and the statement attached to it. Then, upon more thought, I found a way to use it to my advantage. The simple word is "choice".

     Many times, as trans people, we are approached by someone who is confused and looking for an answer as to why we are this way. They often ask why did we chose this. The immediate response is for most people to say that it's not a choice, that we were born this way. I totally agree. I turn the question back around to them and give them a plate full of food for thought. I see it as a choice. I've chosen to live and be happy with my life. Too often, most people go through life and put the whole issue of being trans on the back burner and try very hard to forget about it. Another group will come to the realization that they are trans, but, given various social, home, family, and financial situations, they can do nothing about it. Even when their heart desires to be the person they are inside. The other group finds determination to deal with the situation head on and confront it. I'm very proud of who I am and that I'm apart of the second group. The whole point of turning the choice question back on the person who asked it is to show them I had a choice to live or not.

     Many trans people suffer from great depression, mostly because the person inside is desperately seeking to get out. Huge anxiety issues are present also. Withdrawing from social groups, backing away from friends, things like that. As a result of the depression, many choose to take their own life. That's where the choice plays in. Choosing to live is the greatest thing a trans person can do. Going into my transition the thought of ending my life entered my mind on occasion, but I knew that was never an option. My goal was to just do this and whatever happens, happens. I knew there was going to be tough times, that's to be expected. It's those tough times that make us stronger people. Some of us will lose family members due to various reasons. Some friends will leave too. The ones who stick beside us the whole time are true friends. Family should love and accept for who we are. Love is to be unconditional. When a friend or family member chooses to shove us aside, they have shown conditional love and don't know the true meaning of the word love.

     The choice we have as trans people is to confront this, deal with it, and live life to the fullest and know that there will be bumps and rocks ahead, but in the end, it's all worth it. Or the other side of the choice is to end our lives, which I will very strongly be against. It doesn't matter how bad things get, ending your life is not the solution. If you struggle with this, there are plenty of people who are ready, willing, and able to help you out of the mental hole your in that's causing you to want to do this. I am one of those people. No person should take their own life just because they can't deal with something.

     The person I'm becoming is incredible. My choice to transition was the best decision of my life. I have a greater outlook on life. Being happy all the time is a huge bonus. It's not just the HRT talking either. It's the fact that I am finally who I need to be in life. My new family means the world to me and the friends you meet as a result of your transition, will be with you for many, many years to come. These are the people who believe in you and want you to succeed.

     Choose life. You will be thankful you did. :)