The point I have gotten to tonight has taken me a while to get to. Many frustrations, years of doubt and depression and mental pain. This road has been hard. Self acceptance came many years ago when I fully realized who I was and what I needed to do. Getting my new driver's license tonight has taught me that if you work hard, you can achieve your dreams.
I had great fear that when I sent all my information to Topeka to be approved by the state that it would be denied, or it would take many months to hear a response back. To my surprise, 8 days after I sent the info, I got the confirmation letter in the mail stating my changes had been approved. In great anticipation I looked forward to today. Just one more step of many that needs to be completed on this journey. I am now legally female and my name and gender marker status reflects that. Am I done with transition? Not by a long shot.
Today also marks 6 full months on HRT. This fact alone I'm very grateful for. I look forward to the continued changes ahead. Some will be easy, some will not. Laser hair treatments, SRS surgery, and many other things lay ahead. I anticipate each one of them, knowing that I'll be one step closer to fully living my dream.
In the past, I've heard many people, including the worship pastor at the church I used to go to, say "Livin' the dream!" I always wanted to say that I was, but until now, I really haven't been. I was in many bands at the church, which was one of my dreams in itself. Now I'm a part of a band that loves me and accepts me for who I am, the real true me. After today, I can really say that I'm livin' the dream.
In today's world, we are driven by absolutes. Interesting that a simple little piece of paper or plastic can determine a person's status in life. I've never let those make or break who I am. That resides in my heart, a true belief in one's self. Even though it's just a simple little piece of plastic with my picture and name on it, a very good picture I might add, it's not what defines me. It's just one of those many steps that I've undergone that help to represent who I am. I truly cherish every moment of my life now. I'm livin' the dream and very proud of that fact. So glad to be where I am today. I would not trade this for anything.
Some people say that if they would choose to do life over again, they would be fully female and not a trans person. I'm actually very thankful God made me this way and if I had to do my life over again, I wouldn't change anything at all. If I was not a trans person, but just a normal female, would I be happy? Most definitely yes. But I wouldn't be able to have the impact on people's lives the way I do now. I have the ability to listen, and to share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences in ways that can help people and lift them up in their time of need. I wouldn't change that for anything. So proud of who I am and my impact on this world is just beginning. Will I ever live in full stealth? I doubt it. So many of us need help with many aspects of their lives that I feel I need to be a light and a hand reaching out when they need it most. Most times the goal is just to blend into society as another female. As of now, this already happens for me. I'm properly recognized in the correct gender anywhere I go. Very satisfying to know how people see me and that they respond properly. When the time comes to be a voice for people who need it, I'll be there.
If your reading this and struggling with who you are and the world around you, then please contact me. If I'm not able to help comfort and guide you, I know of people who can assist. No one can do this alone. Life is tough but don't give up. Live every day like it's your last and cherish every breath. :)
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